Deciding to Have a Civil Ceremony

A couple generations ago there was no such thing as a civil wedding. You either got a reverend, pastor or priest to do the ceremony or you weren't married! (Of course, that was also when common law marriages were considered legal. I think we should go back to those days sometimes!) Now you have a lot more choices than the local reverend, and the birth of the civil ceremony has sparked outrage in some families.

This is a touchy subject, so let me start by saying this: If you and your affianced share a religious background and want to be married according to your religion's statutes, that's fine. The number one thing you have to remember is that your wedding is all about you, and should be done according to your beliefs. The conflict that usually arises is when the couple either doesn't share religious beliefs (for example, a marriage between a member of the Islamic faith and a Wiccan) or when neither is particularly religious and doesn't want religion in the ceremony.

The conflict over a civil ceremony doesn't usually arise from the bride and the groom but from the family members who raised them and are shocked and appalled that religion isn't going to be a part of the most important day of their life. Many couples have compromised on this conflict, most by having a prayer luncheon/etc. prior to the wedding so they can be blessed in their family's religions without making it a part of their ceremony. Others have incorporated their religious beliefs into a joint religious/civil ceremony that makes everyone happy.

Remember, however, that this is your wedding. If you've decided that a civil ceremony is the right choice for you, stick to it. It's legally binding, and when you get down to it it's what's between you and your spouse that matters.